Divorce Isn’t Trendy - It’s Tragic and Outside God’s Will.
Christian married couples can have a healthy marriage by first understanding that, in God’s marriage covenant, one man and one woman agree to unite in marriage. In addition, they should view the marriage covenant as a relationship that should not be broken and must last for a lifetime. From a biblical perspective, the marriage covenant signifies a strong commitment marked by loyalty unto death (John Stott, Issues Facing Christians Today -4th Edition, Michigan: Zondervan, 2006, 361). It should not be regarded as a contract valid for only a few years or until the couple finds a reason to divorce. Christian marriages should be understood as a commitment to permanence—the engine that keeps the marriage running (Bobbie and Myron Yagel. 15 Minutes to Build a Stronger Marriage. Illinois: Tyndale House, 1995. 4).
Furthermore, Christian couples should understand that sexuality is one of the most powerful demonstrations of commitment within marriage (Making of a Marriage, Tennessee: Thomas Nelson, 1993, 214).
Each partner must remain sexually faithful to the other. If this commitment is broken, they are considered adulterers. Infidelity violates God’s principle of sex within marriage, and disregarding this principle will eventually lead to harm and brokenness. Therefore, Christian married couples should begin their union with an understanding of the exclusivity of marital sex. This affirms their commitment to God’s way and highlights the uniqueness of their relationship. If couples remain sexually faithful to one another, their marriage is more likely to last and bear the fruit of a stable household. Married couples must also understand that “covenants are initiated for the benefit of the other person” (Garry Chapman, Covenant Marriage. Tennessee: Broadman and Holman, 2003.13).
Ruth’s covenant with Naomi offers one of the most powerful biblical examples of this principle. Ruth said to Naomi, her mother-in-law: “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.”
From this passage, we learn that Naomi had nothing material to offer Ruth. Having lost her sons and her status, Naomi was in a vulnerable position. Nevertheless, Ruth still made a covenant with her, not for personal gain, but for Naomi’s benefit. This kind of covenant reflects deep concern for another person’s well-being and shows that true covenants are born out of a desire to serve, not manipulate, nor to receive something in return (Garry Chapman, Covenant Marriage. Tennessee: Broadman and Holman, 2003.13)
It is also crucial for married couples to understand that the centre of covenantal marriage is steadfast love. This kind of love is a deliberate decision to think and behave positively toward one’s spouse. Such an approach helps to generate positive emotions in the relationship. The more married couples practice affirmation and appreciation, the stronger their feelings for one another. Conversely, the more they focus on each other’s flaws, the more negative feelings will develop. Therefore, couples should intentionally choose to focus on each other’s positive traits.
This type of love can be biblically described as unconditional love, as highlighted by the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends…”
This kind of love is not easy to live out. Both husband and wife must continually learn and practice loving each other in the way the Scriptures describe. It is also important that marriage counsellors help couples understand the danger of a contractual mindset in marriage. A contract, by definition, can be terminated at either party’s convenience. Marriage, however, is not a convenient contract. In a covenant, partners say, “I give myself to you,” while in a contract, they say, “I take you for me.” In a covenantal mindset, couples ask, “What can I give?” whereas in a contract mentality, they ask, “What do I get?”
Often, a contract mindset results in conditional behaviour—“If you do this, then I will do that.” While certain agreements in marriage are practical and necessary, a consistently transactional approach can create problems. It can breed resentment, hurt, and anger, and may eventually lead to divorce (Garry Chapman, Covenant Marriage, Tennessee: Broadman and Holman, 2003, 36). A pattern of contract-like behaviour suggests that the couple has drifted away from the biblical vision of marriage (Chapman, Covenant Marriage, 2003. 36). Therefore, it is essential for every Christian counsellor to help married couples avoid the contract mentality and instead embrace, practice, and honour the biblical perspective of covenant marriage
