A young man once asked an experienced pastor what it takes to become a good shepherd. The older pastor looked at him and said, “Son, you need a thick skin. People will criticise your sermons, question your decisions, misunderstand your intentions and sometimes forget everything you have done because of one thing you did wrong. If you cannot handle that, go sell ice cream!”
Years later, the young man understood what he meant.
He discovered that behind every Sunday sermon was a week of preparation, prayer, responsibilities and sometimes personal struggles. He learned that people could expect him to be available at almost any hour, compassionate in every circumstance, wise in every decision and cheerful even on days when his own heart was heavy.
He discovered that pastors have feelings too.
They bleed. They experience rejection, disappointment, loneliness and exhaustion. Sometimes they preach about joy while fighting discouragement. They pray for families while carrying their own burdens. They encourage others to keep going while quietly wondering where they will find the strength to continue.
And sometimes, after a particularly difficult conversation, they sit alone wondering whether they said something wrong or whether their best intentions were simply misunderstood.
The irony is that everyone expects the pastor to have a shoulder to lean on, but who does the pastor lean on?
Of course, pastoral ministry requires resilience. Not every criticism is persecution, not every disagreement is an attack, and not every difficult conversation should become a personal wound. Leadership requires maturity, patience and the ability to keep loving people even when things become uncomfortable.
But let’s not confuse a thick skin with a cold heart.
Jesus wept. Paul spoke about the daily pressure of his concern for the churches (2 Corinthians 11:28). Spiritual maturity never meant becoming emotionally numb.
Perhaps we need to change the conversation. Instead of constantly telling pastors to develop thicker skin, perhaps we should become a little more intentional about caring for them. Ask how they are doing and genuinely listen to the answer. Encourage them. Pray for them.
A pastor is not a weekly sermon-producing machine. He is a human being who needs friendship, kindness, laughter, encouragement and the occasional reminder that his labour is not in vain.
So, the next time someone tells a pastor to go sell ice cream, perhaps buy him one first!
And remember, shepherds need shepherding too.
Pastors bleed too. Pastors suffer too. And sometimes, the people who spend their lives caring for everyone else need someone to care for them.
